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don’t read this

March 13, 2012

I think…instead of writing poems, thoughts, and bullshit; i want to tell my story. Not sure where to start or which angle to tell it from. I’ve lived so many lives…change after change after change. The only constant has been drug use and unhealthy relationships. Later this month i will be going back to school…my field…human services…drug and alcohol counseling. One thing i understand and know is addiction. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, and the woman i’m in a relationship with. None of which is healthy.

I’ve been writing songs and poetry since i was a young boy. Some i’ve shared with you. Child’s Lie (posted yesterday) was written in the early 90’s…the original was more about the lie i believed i was told through my childhood about the antichrist…not as typed yesterday…which made it come across more like i’m a end times thinker or even believe it. idk

Although i write this blog more as a logging tool than a blogging tool…i’d like to connect with other addicts in a way that they know they’re not alone, someone has been right where they are, and we (addicts) have the strength within ourselves to beat IT! The answer isn’t out there somewhere but right inside us. How we must come to a knowing while in addiction (s), we are sleeping, and need to wake “self” up. Inside us is more than we can even imagine, we are bigger than our dreams, powerful…not lost in a world around us…just lost inside.

It’s been 64 Days today (i think that count is right). Each day, i find, i’m finding some of those pieces of me…picking me up…pieces of thinking, memory, feelings, etc…those pieces are coming in at a baby crawl pace…there’s bunches of pieces and i still find fear in facing them. There’s some huge pieces to pick-up and face…consequences. Not ready yet…but as i develop strength, security, and maturity…i’ll face them one by one.

So…maybe…i can tell you about the pieces i’m picking-up, how i created those pieces of me, the cravings, the fight for me, the changes in my life, and school. God, i wish i could tell you i won’t fall back into the pit of addiction but i can’t. I only promise to be honest in my writings, other than that, no promises.

For now i’ll keep writing thoughts, hoping someone is understanding the confusion in them…seeing what a life of addiction, rather it be drugs, relationships, sex, depression, pain, or work…can take control of your life…rob you of your life, leaving you confused, lost, hurt, and facing consequences.

Have a groovy day!

peace be

Day 64

One Comment
  1. Thats great that you’re going back to school and glad to hear you want to work with addicts. That should be a personally rewarding job. Best of luck!

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