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If You See Me

February 13, 2012

if you see me…

say hello.

tell me…

told you so.

ask me…

’bout feel’n low.

talk to me…

real slow.

scream at me…

’bout do’n blow.

i will listen

then i’ll go.

written 12/16/2010

peace be

Day 35

bonus comments:

my life with me has been a circle of me, circle’n within me…with no apparent ending…i see the circle as it creates itself in my mind…i allow me to follow…why?…idk…is it self punishment?…did i do something so wrong i can’t forgive myself?…am i to do something i’m not doing?…is my brain all fuck’d up from years of drug abuse?…this circle…my circle…round & round i go…same old thoughts, same old writings, same old lines, same fuck’d up relationships, same bad choices, same questions, same no good answers, same whys, same deep shit in my head, same see’n gray when others see black and white, same old cravens, same old wants, same problems, same game, same drugs, same results…i’m tired of “The Same”…when will this circle of me stop??

god.. i hate it when i know the answer and really don’t want to know the answer. The answer isn’t when someone else comes along and does it for me, the answer isn’t another rehab, or in a self-help book…the correct answer is when “I” decide to stop it!! It’s my choice…do i continue to live in this vicious circle…continue killing myself, continue feeling sorry for myself, continue punishing myself, continue being sick in addiction………….or do i fight, struggle, crawl, do whatever it takes to find a way to live again, to make right choices, to take my life back, to take control of me, to be ME…?

 

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