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wordsfortheaddictedlikeme

Imagine life without hate

Only love we could create

Happiness would be our fate

Peace behind every gate

peace be

Day 14

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love is

love is

a spring that boils up through our soul

giving life if we allow our-self to grow

love is

a river that flows through our soul

bringing us truth if we allow our-self to know

love is

an ocean that embodies our soul

forgiving those who hate and making us whole

love…let it show

peace be

Day 67

hard clay

close’n my closet

ya know i got it

you lie to me

i see

white turn black

no turning back

i’m ugly

you’re lovely

i see

you remember me

i’m that one

from me i run

it’s right here in my head

you wish i was dead

the sun set is red

hair of dreads

take me to you

i can see through

whatever you want to do

do

i’m over there

you’re here

fog is clear

your voice

i find no choice

you’re beautiful

i know

can’t let it show

ya know

i ran from there to there

i fuck’n swear

i did

did you find that lid

or fuck another sid

it’s ok

hard is my clay

you find the cracks

monkey on my back

hand made

just want to get laid

paid

what the fuck you got to say

i’d pay

you are my rainy day

peace be

 

 

me…wants

is it just my fuck’d up mind

why i’m so hard to find

stealing tickets to ride this ever changing ride

climbing these mountains of me inside

seeing my self made lie

me…wants

to live before i die

peace be

Day 65

 

 

 

don’t read this

I think…instead of writing poems, thoughts, and bullshit; i want to tell my story. Not sure where to start or which angle to tell it from. I’ve lived so many lives…change after change after change. The only constant has been drug use and unhealthy relationships. Later this month i will be going back to school…my field…human services…drug and alcohol counseling. One thing i understand and know is addiction. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, and the woman i’m in a relationship with. None of which is healthy.

I’ve been writing songs and poetry since i was a young boy. Some i’ve shared with you. Child’s Lie (posted yesterday) was written in the early 90’s…the original was more about the lie i believed i was told through my childhood about the antichrist…not as typed yesterday…which made it come across more like i’m a end times thinker or even believe it. idk

Although i write this blog more as a logging tool than a blogging tool…i’d like to connect with other addicts in a way that they know they’re not alone, someone has been right where they are, and we (addicts) have the strength within ourselves to beat IT! The answer isn’t out there somewhere but right inside us. How we must come to a knowing while in addiction (s), we are sleeping, and need to wake “self” up. Inside us is more than we can even imagine, we are bigger than our dreams, powerful…not lost in a world around us…just lost inside.

It’s been 64 Days today (i think that count is right). Each day, i find, i’m finding some of those pieces of me…picking me up…pieces of thinking, memory, feelings, etc…those pieces are coming in at a baby crawl pace…there’s bunches of pieces and i still find fear in facing them. There’s some huge pieces to pick-up and face…consequences. Not ready yet…but as i develop strength, security, and maturity…i’ll face them one by one.

So…maybe…i can tell you about the pieces i’m picking-up, how i created those pieces of me, the cravings, the fight for me, the changes in my life, and school. God, i wish i could tell you i won’t fall back into the pit of addiction but i can’t. I only promise to be honest in my writings, other than that, no promises.

For now i’ll keep writing thoughts, hoping someone is understanding the confusion in them…seeing what a life of addiction, rather it be drugs, relationships, sex, depression, pain, or work…can take control of your life…rob you of your life, leaving you confused, lost, hurt, and facing consequences.

Have a groovy day!

peace be

Day 64

child’s lie

darkness fell upon the earth

a soulless woman gave birth

to a child with a curse

for evil he will thirst

she only knew

he would be the one

to turn us from the son

he’ll need no gun

to decieve

masses will believe

the moon will rise in day

the son will fade away

the sea’s will dry

souls will die

because of her child’s lie

peace be

Day62

lil giant memory

worry

blended with hurry

in here clear is blurry

me

i can not see

memory won’t let me be

heart

my lost forgotten art

keeps me, myself and i a-p-a-r-t

head

the place i soooo dread

me i should not have ever read

soul

scarred by memory’s unforgotten low

please heal re-grow re-begin to glow

memory

take it to the refinery

purify this lil giant memory

peace be

Day 61

drugs will:

1. make you do things you never thought you would do

2. take you places you never wanted to go

3. cost you more than you were ever willing to pay.